Why did a guy like me read Twilight? Because I could.
I have heard an endless stream of praise about this book from friends (who are mostly girls), so I decided to borrow the first one and gave it a read. It's probably one of the most poorly written novels I've ever had the displeasure of reading. I have honestly never seen the word 'glare' used so much in my life. "Bella glared... Bella grimaced... Bella cringed... etc.." Seriously, if you are going to read Twilight get used to those verbs because you're going to be reading them a lot. Not only that but the book is also riddled with grammatical errors. It's akin to reading a novel written by a middle school girl, which it might as well be as the plot, while pretty much nonexistent, leaves a lot to be desired.
As for the story, you can't really write much on it. The girl moves to
a town named Forks, yes its name is actually Forks, and she makes it
known that she hates it there. Trust me, you will know by the end of
the first chapter that she really hates Forks. She hates Forks. Man,
does she hate Forks. Forks is so stupid and she hates it. Forks sucks.
I basically just recapped the first chapter for you there. The following chapters include:
Glaring
Grimacing
Cringing
Edward being perfect, because he's so perfect and he's perfect.
Glaring
Glaring
Glaring
Edward is perfect
There, you've now read the entire novel.
The main character is extremely shallow. She wouldn't even care about Edward if he wasn't so "perfect" looking. There are a couple characters she runs into in the first chapter, one of which is attractive and one that isn't. They were both helpful and her thoughts on each were, "man, I don't want to be around this boy much longer," to the ugly one and, "man, this kid is really helpful! He's so nice!" to the more attractive one. Then she sees Edward, which, if I haven't mentioned already is perfectly perfect, and falls head over heels in love. He loves how she smells or whatever. It's pretty much true love....
....If you're 12 years old.
Oh yeah, Edward is a vampire. I forgot about that in all his perfectness.
Anyway, after what seems like 50 chapters of pure dribble some other vampires show up and decide they want themselves some Bella too. Predictable drama ensues and people run around a whole bunch, then Edward takes care of it. He's so perfect. After that Edward and Bella glare at each other over and over, and then the story ends.
Terrible book. A few notes:
Bella Swan sounds like Belle Swam, which translates into Beautiful
Swan. I'm sure the name isn't a coincidence but rather the author
thinking she was clever. You sure fooled me!
There are glittering vampires. Seriously, what?
Glare. Glare. Glare. Glare. Glare. Glare. Glare. Glare. Glare. Glare. Glare. Glare. Glare.
Edward is perfect.
Bella smells nice.
In summary: Twilight is pretty stupid.
Don't ever read this poorly written novel. I'm going to go read a Sherlock Holmes book to get this garbage out of my head. I think The Adventure of the Speckled Band or The Red-Headed League will do.
Glare.
